So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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