The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
True strength comes from lack of pants
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
