i just google imaged poop.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
