so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize