I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
