You're so nebulous sometimes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
