everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
