You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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