idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
