Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
