Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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