Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
