Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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