I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
