i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
