dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
