My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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