they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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