i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
