he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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