Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
