I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
