so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
