I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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