After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
