hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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