my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
