I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
