I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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