I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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