chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
