i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my being single is dangerous.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
