Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
