tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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