and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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