Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
