I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i dont even know how to be here
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
