I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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