I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
