just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
