I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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