is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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