ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
