Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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