So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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