and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
