I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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