i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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