I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
