i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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