The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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