I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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