We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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