She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
