So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
