u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
