I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
