I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
