There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
