so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
