He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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