Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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