I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who died my cat blue again?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
