Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
