is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
