You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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