One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
